I wrote this about 3 months ago, God woke me up at about 3 am. I never planned on posting it, but yesterday at bible study Pastor said when God gives us a word its not just for us so here I am sharing.
I was reading on the children of Israel being led from the Egyptians captivity, and I was very frustrated while reading. I couldn’t help but be annoyed with their constant demanding from God for things to make their journey through the wilderness more bearable - proof that God hadn’t forsaken them. As if the fire by night and cloud by day leading them wasn’t enough to prove to them He hadn’t abandoned them. They needed fresh manna from heaven each day and then they asked for meat.
Despite the fact that they traveled in the same clothing and yet their shoes didn’t get worn out after years of walking and their clothing still protected them from the elements, they still wanted to rebel against the God who answered their requests to be delivered from captivity.
I thought to myself “If God did those miraculous signs for me I would never complain.” It was in this moment that I realized I am just like the Israelites, the 2012 edition. My frustration with the minor setbacks and minuscule disappointments in my life constantly evoke frustration against my Almighty Father. I get busy feeling like the things I suffer and the injustices in my life are so undeserved that I question God. I allow myself to get to a point where I am barely holding on to the promises in His word. In doing this, I completely disregard the blessings that surround me daily because all I see is the tiny mole hill standing in my way.
It was in this moment of criticism towards the children of Israel that I finally realized what it means to come to the end of yourself. I began to think, what if every wrongful deed i’ve ever committed resulted in some form of punishment. Suddenly I had a revelation of the extent of Gods mercy. On my own, and of myself I am useless, I am full of ungodly thoughts and malicious intentions. The little good that I do is often a result of obligation, yet God doesn’t repay my faults with punishment.
My infrequent but somewhat blatant disregard for his commandments, doesn't yield His immediate wrath. My complaints don't render a begrudging grumble of irritation from my Father, but rather a gentle reminder that He is still looking out for me, that He holds my life in the palm of His hand and He will continue to work on my behalf if I can somehow manage to trust in Him. In this moment I realize, I want nothing of Ashley to exist, but I want to be completely taken over by God. He is, in every definition of the word, perfect. I will never find fault in Him, because in Him there is no fault.
To understand God’s love for me is impossible because God’s love isn’t something to be explained other than that is who He is. He is love. That simple, yet profound statement can never fully be comprehended. Love is patient, Love is kind, It bear all things, believes all things and hopes all things, Love never fails. God is patient, God is kind, God never fails.
When I think of who God is, I realize what a privilege it is to be able to know Him in this capacity. To really understand that He is love, He is my hope for tomorrow, He is the reason I live, He is the reason I have anything good in my life, He is the reason why I wake up each morning, He is the reason I can carry on each day. I genuinely hurt for those who don’t know Him in all of His greatness. I cry for those who don’t understand that no matter what they do, God will ALWAYS love them because that is who He is. God and love are one in the same, you cant have one without the other.
God is awesome, and I want nothing more than for him to remove every trace of me, and fill my being with His spirit, and His wisdom and His unfailing love.
