Six Months ago I made a commitment to the Lord that I would be
patient when it comes to dating. I
promised to rid myself of the anxiety of waiting for “the infamous one” and
focus on the real ONE.
As I reread my post (that I actually think I have only read
once since I wrote it) I now recognize how my initial analogy has come full circle.
In the past dating for me was like a game of
hide and seek with a small child. I
would try to hide and when someone came looking I would quickly pop up and say “here I am” without ever giving them the chance to find me on their own.
Beginning early in 2012, the Lord kept telling me it was
time to grow up. I was never fully sure
which areas of my life He was speaking most directly to but each night I would
pray “Lord, help me to grow up.” Looking
back I see that one of the biggest areas He wanted to me to grow up in was in dating.
When I finally committed to truly keeping my heart hidden in
God, He did what he wanted to do all along and put it in the right hiding place - in Him.
Now I’m sure you can think of a time playing hide and seek as a child where you
found THE BEST spot ever, you knew no one would find you there and you could
stay hidden there forever. For me, mine
was on the top of a dresser in my sister’s closet. I could go, hide and probably even fall asleep
without ever being caught. That’s the
beauty of playing hide and seek when you are a little older and a little wiser,
the fun isn’t in letting someone find you, the fun is making it near impossible
for them to find you – a search that the faint of heart aren’t willing to
take. So, there was my heart, hidden in
Christ, out of plan view where only the most diligent of seekers could find me.
And just like any good hiding place, I got comfortable there, reached a state
of peace and contentment where i was not longer anxiously waiting for who would find me.
Time passed on and for the first time in my life there was no distress to accompany my total and complete singleness. No longing for affection, no itching for attention – Jesus satisfied every single secret petition of my heart. It was in this state that God, like any good father would do; revealed my hiding place to the seeker who would had no intention of ever giving up his search. Thinking back to those games of hide and seek, I remember I would always like to tell my parents where I was and I would say “we’re playing hide and seek but don’t tell them where I am.” I would get a smile and a wink of sworn secrecy which to me meant they had not taken an oath of silence. Along comes the seeker, but my parents didn't give away the place immediately, they always enjoyed watching the other child search and search and search again, until just at the right moment they give a nod of affirmation confirming that all there searching has not been in vain.
As it turns out, my seeker began his search for me a year
and a half before I had even found my hiding place. While I was yet making myself available to all the wrong men, he was asking the Lord for clues on how to get to my
heart. While I played the game all wrong, he was waiting for the opportunity to
end that game for me once and for all. Long before I was aware that I wanted someone
to go to God first for me, he was making his requests known.
My state of singleness contentment in Christ was interrupted and I found myself face to face with, literally, the man of my dreams. My natural trepidation came when I thought I had mistakenly
given my hiding place away again. So
much so, that even upon discovering the truth of his long and tumultuous
conquest to my heart I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I BALLED my eyes out to God, I thought it was
a test, a very cruel cruel test. Here
before me was a man that I had dreamed about for years, and I thought God wanted me to
prove that I loved Him more by walking away.
When faced with that, I told God I would. I vowed to hold true to my promise to keep
HIM first. So for another three months we prayed, and prayed and prayed and
prayed for direction on what He wanted us to do. And in my moment of weakness I shared with
this wonderful man that I worried he would get tired of waiting for me (after
all he had already waited 18 months to share his feelings) certainly he
wouldn’t keep waiting for me to agree to a relationship. His response to my vocalized fears is forever
tattooed to my heart as the most wonderful words I’ve ever heard: “Ashley, as long as you are alive and not
married, I will wait for you.” It wasn't long after that our prayers were answered with a God-sized thumbs up!
I am so grateful to now be in the happiest, healthiest, most
Jesus-centered relationship OF MY LIFE!
He is truly everything I never knew I wanted and I am so glad that I
found the right hiding place so my loving Father could help the right person
find me. When I look in his eyes, I see
the plan of my loving Father. A Father
whose love is beyond comprehension – I stand in awe of Him because His plan and
His timing are always perfect. He knew
exactly who I needed and when I needed him and he showed up on my doorstep in
Houston, Texas all the way from Cleveland, Ohio and let me know that now that he’s found my
heart – he is going to keep it forever.
