Forgive, So You Can Be Free

This will be the first time I write about a situation while I am in the midst of it. "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death." Revelations 12:11

Unforgiveness can become a huge stronghold in the life of a believer.  Up until this past Sunday, I thought I was living a life FILLED with forgiveness. But God loves me enough to let me know that isn't so. 

To make the beginning of a long story very short, I have been battling a VERY annoying sickness for about 6 years.  I never went to the doctor to discover the root of it because I wanted to trust God to heal me.  However, last September this sickness was causing me to miss work so I decided to go and get myself checked out.  Went to the doctor, got the diagnoses, rebuked the report and went back to praying. 

On Sunday I woke up in pain and PLEADED with God, I asked God "why wont you heal me?! I'm trusting you, I'm standing on your word and I have been battling this sickness for 6 years" and He simply said "Because you haven't forgiven your mother." In this moment I broke down, I knew unforgiveness could cause physical sickness, but I thought I had forgiven her.  I regularly prayed for her, prayed that God would remove the unforgiveness but the seed was still planted deep in my heart.

So now my journey for true forgiveness begins.  The first step was to talk to my First Lady.  Throughout my life I have told two or three people bits and pieces of the hurt from my childhood, but never fully disclosed it.  I built up a wall to protect my heart from the "bad guys" all the while unknowingly keeping Jesus out as well. I was so afraid that if I opened up all of that hurt to someone that they would use it against me. But my desire to be completely free in Christ far surpassed the fear of hurt. So, I called my First Lady and told her EVERYTHING, and God in his infinite mercy laid things on her heart that I didn't even consciously realize I was holding on to.  She lovinglytold me "We are going to get to the root of all of this so there is nothing left over." Opening up to someone (with wisdom) is key!

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16
God is so awesome,  His timing, His will, and His plan are perfect!!  Not only did He place me under Godly leadership, but he gave me a Fisrt Lady after my own heart, someone who fought the same battle of unforgiveness because of similar pain from her past.

She said to me, "The only way you are going to be completely free of this is to spend TIME before God crying out to him and giving it all to Him" This was the difference, I had prayed on this situation many times before but I typically don't spend much time in prayer praying for myself because I am an intercessor.  When someone hurts you, it wounds you. And like a physical wound the deeper it is, the longer it takes to heal and the more you have to do to reach that healing.  In my attempts at forgiveness, I was putting a bandaid on a deep gash, I hid it from the light, didn't cleanse it and it became infected. That spiritual infection manifested in physical pain.

Tuesday morning was the first morning I spent all of my prayer time speaking Gods word of deliverance over MY life. The more I prayed the more I began to feel healing in my body, even as I type this the pain in my body is becoming weaker and weaker. 

For me, my unforgiveness manifested in sickness, and led to other demonic seeds of rejection and fear that have postponed my purpose in ministry. I worried for years that I wasn't ready, that the things God placed in my were too big for me to accomplish.  I talked myself into believing the things He showed me for my life were my own dreams and not His divine plans for me. But by God's grace, those seeds are being uprooted and my victory is at hand and I WILL do all that He has set before me to do (2 Peter 3:9/Jer 29:11). My life, my past and the pain that came along with it are not my own - Everything belongs to Him.

If you are holding unforgiveness, I admonish you to take this journey with me, it may be long and it may be hard but in the end it will all be worth it!!

"I now take down the ungodly walls meant to protect me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and can endure whatever is necessary that lies before me."

Click here to link to a site with anti-stronghold scriptures. I printed them off and I read OUT LOUD the "forgiveness of sins" and "deliverance" scriptures in the morning before work and in the evening before bed.

God Bless You!!!

  

A Woman's Heart

I want to start this by saying that God is so AWESOME!!!! I love Him so much, even as I’m typing I have tears in my eyes because I’m so glad he loves me enough to correct me and that He SPEAKS to me.  Moving on:

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek him first to find her*.”

These are words to live by for every Christian woman. Dating in the past, was a bit of a challenge for me.  I would meet people, give them a chance and Jesus sweetly tells me “he’s not your husband.” I end things (usually in frustration) and would go on to proclaim that “i am impatiently waiting for my husband to find me.” 

With the over active imagination God has granted me with, everywhere I would go I thought “what if I meet my husband here? What if we sit next to each in a waiting room, or bump in to each other at a grocery store, or (my personal favorite) maybe he will stop by my church see me singing during praise and worship and God will tell him ‘there she is’ and we have the spectacular movie moment where our eyes meet and we just KNOW.” While to most these may seem like innocent thoughts and dreams, but in reality it was me trying to do God’s job. 

If my heart is hidden in Christ, then my thoughts and my actions should reflect that.  God spoke to me and gave me an analogy for my “hidden heart.”  He told me that my heart is like a game of hide and seek with a small child.  I hide my heart in Him, then as soon as I realize a man is starting to look for me (i.e. I am approached and asked on a date) I easily give my “hiding place” away.  I make my heart available, only to be disappointed to find that that man wasn’t supposed to find me.  Another one comes looking and if I think they are the one and see them going the wrong direction – just like a small child – I pop out and say here I am!!  I get so anxious about wanting to be with THE ONE, that I don’t give THE ONE the opportunity to find me.  The bible says in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Well if I’m giving away my hiding spot then no one is really finding me. 

When your heart is hidden in Christ, a man has NO choice but to seek God first to find you, because God is the only way to get you.  And when the wrong men start seeking after you, God will redirect them and let them know – she’s not the one for you and they wont ever find you!! We can’t be childish in our relationships and get impatient waiting for God’s match to find us. We have to be mature enough in Christ to stay hidden, consumed and so in love with Him that we don’t give away our hiding place. 

Another thing God placed on my heart was the consequences of being impatient.  Marriage is the union between two people, but a marriage creates a brand new blood line.  

God told Abraham and Sarah that they would have children; we know how the story goes.  Sarah gets impatient and tells Abraham to sleep with Hagar and Hagar gives birth to Ishmael.  Sarah later gives birth to Isaac.  Sarah and Abraham’s disobedience led to the birth of Ishmael, and thousands of years later there is still unrest between the two blood lines because Abraham and Sarah got antsy.

Your marriage doesn’t just effect you and your future husband or wife, it effects your future children.  Everyone who knows me knows I LOVE children, I adore them and I can’t wait to give birth to and/or adopt a whole team of children.  However, if I get impatient and give my heart away to the wrong man, I might give birth to some Ishmaels.  I only want Isaacs!!!

The final piece that the Lord (in all of His love and patience and glory) put on my heart is my willingness to wait.  If I am 40, still a virgin, still unmarried will I still be able to wholly serve him?  Will I feel complete enough as a single woman to still trust God that he will give me the family I’ve always wanted with the Husband of my dreams?  It is my deepest, earnest, most sincere prayer that it doesn’t take until then but yes.  I am complete in Christ with or without a man by my side. 

Ladies, and gentlemen too if you are reading this, You won’t be satisfied with a significant other if you aren’t satisfied with only having Jesus.  Until He is enough for you, no one will ever make you feel complete.  Husband and wives might let you down and if you don’t feel whole with Jesus (who will never let you down) how can you expect to feel complete with someone else?

So now, for the first time in my life when I say it’s just me and Jesus and I am content with that, I really mean it. He is my EVERYTHING, he is the greatest love I will ever know and FINALLY I can honestly say, that is enough for me.


Pasted below is a link to an AWESOME message by Pastor Brian Williams. He is Pastor of Hope City in Columbus, Ohio so if you are ever in the area stop by.  The message is on the topic of Christian dating and I encourage you to listen to it when you have time.  

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dating-marriage-in-light-eternity/id461149420?i=111912203&mt=2

*After some research, what I thought was originally a Maya Angelou quote I believe is actually a Max Lucado quote, still not 100% sure though.